17 years ago today I became a mom, for the first time. I became a mom to a son. This is my one and only son, Jack. With him, I am well pleased. Through being a mother to my son, God continually wrestles fear out of me. When my love for Jack goes sideways, God is not displeased. Instead, he sees it as a wonderful opportunity to expose the orphan, the liar, that still tries to hide out in me.
Little did I know that healing became my full-time job the day I became a mother.
This picture was taken of us last week during our NYC adventure. It was taken with a 1960’s polaroid camera on 1960’s Polaroid film. When Jack saw the picture for the first time, he said “Mom! That’s a keeper. Don’t ever lose that. If you ever lost that I will cry. That’s honestly my most favorite picture of me!” My heart leaped out of my chest to hear how excited he was over this picture. Was it because the photo was taken with me, or was it because Jack likes the way he looks in the picture? Who knows and I really don’t care. What matters most is my boy saw himself unlike any other time before. To Jack, this picture captured his image. His essence. It mattered, and it had great worth. I was honored to be there when his eyes could see what I have always seen.
I have an uncomfortable confession to make, so get your gag bags out and put on your big girl or boy potty pants because this is about to get messy. With the birth of my son, my brokenness whispered this decree; “This one will be different from them all. This one will not hurt me like the rest.” I would like to blame these words on the pre-Jesus, pre-sanctification years of my life. But that would be too easy and would make you think that was then, and the Alisa now is so not that. Truth is…we are all that. We are all prone to hang our hopes on people to be the carriers of our healing rather than on God, The Healer alone.
God purposes people to help bring forth healing for one another.
God is never afraid of the dark that hides out inside people. It’s the perfect place for God’s Light to shine. With the thoughts we have, the words we say or the actions we take, we are either lighting another’s candle or snuffing one out.
Today, my firstborn is 17! He is now one year away from leaving his father and I. And allow me to admit that too many times fear convinced me to hold on too tight. In fear, I forget that if flames are going to stay lit, they need oxygen, airspace – space for the Spirit of God to move and breathe.
So Happy Birthday, Jack! This year, my gift to you is more love FOR you because I am decreeing to trust God more WITH you. He knows the plans He has for you, and unlike my love, they will not fail!