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“The Shower”

faith and fitness

Why I Had My Breast Implants Removed – Part 3 – “The Shower”

Ten years had come and gone since I had my breast implants put in. I knew I was overdue in making a decision: Should I replace them? Should I take them out? What should I do?

One day, in the middle of a shower, following my heart-and-soul-surgery to eradicate fear, I was overcome with the awareness that God was speaking. He wanted to talk about my breast implants. I would be lying if I said He hadn’t already been talking to me in the years since being “all in”—following his call to start Revelation Wellness. In the quiet of my heart I would boldly wonder what it would be like to just be me again, to be everything I encourage you all to be. Fear would not let me wonder for long. Yes, you can bet the enemy loved accusing me of being a hypocrite—talking about freedom and love being greater than fear—but not really walking in it when it came to my own private, hidden life. I just kept minimizing the issue and excusing it. Bottom line…I wasn’t willing to do anything about them because I was afraid.

There it was…fear.

There was no way around it. God was onto something. He was answering my prayers to take out anything in me that didn’t belong. As the warm water ran down my back, revelation flooded me like a fire hose.

Beauty is God given. Pretty is earned. Beauty can not be stolen because it’s inherently planted deep in one’s soul- as an image bearer of God – guarded by the Angel Army of God, where time and exposure to the elements of life causes beauty to blossom. Pretty gets stolen because it’s based on things that are temporal, unguarded, and are located on the surface – a place where time and exposure cause decay. Beauty is inspired by love. Pretty is driven by fear. 

God was showing me that I had made this decision to “enhance” myself predicated solely on fear and fear alone. Initially I called it love and freedom, but it became clear that these things I let inside of me were altars for worshipping fear. Fear was my warden when I entered the prison of “pretty” and willingly went under the knife to “enhance” my life. The prison of pretty is easy to enter and hard to leave. 

Fifteen years ago God did not leave me nor forsake me, but he allowed me to choose fear over love. At that time, He knew I wasn’t capable of choosing more. He was not going to give up on me. His love for me is non-negotiable. If it meant allowing me to bring a security blanket along for the journey, He was kind enough to let me do so. Never did He shame me for it—only the enemy did that.

My heart raced and I knew this was it. The jig was up. I had been caught by love and covered by grace. Like a gentleman, He was presenting this to me as an option—a beautiful, gold-leafed, royal invitation to more love and less fear. He was answering my prayers in way I did not see coming.

“Would you be willing to let me have them, now?”

As I stood in that shower, aware of His presence, with an awareness of my fear, I wrestled. And I wrestled hard. I came face to face with all my doubts and fears attached to the artificial bags inside of me. These were the greatest fears that swirled and surged through my mind:

• Will I still feel like a woman?
• Will my husband still find me sexy and beautiful?
• How deformed will I look?
• What will people think of me? Especially my friends who have them?
• How are we going to pay for this?

At the end of the longest shower of my life—true to how God has wired me—I threw my hands up in the air and literally said out loud, “Okay God. FINE! IF this is what it’s going to take, then you are going to have to do ALL of it! From beginning to end, this has to be all you, all your power and all your ability, because there is nothing, NOTHING in me that is able to do this. I will say yes, but you have to do all the work!”

My eyes were pierced by His eyes of fire and love as I pleaded for Him to do what I could not do. Some of my most pivotal life changes have been marked by these holy, grab-God-by-the-shirt-collar kind of moments. And this was no different.

I stepped out of the shower keenly aware that so much was about to change.

First things, first. What was my husband going to say?

– Written by Alisa Keeton, Founder of Revelation Wellness®

Comments (80)

  1. Love your heart. Love your transparency. Love your ability to put it all out there and bring it all to His light. So grateful for you.

  2. Can I use a portion of your blog to post on my Instagram account? I wanted to quote you on the paragraph that starts with Beauty is God given. I really appreciate it. I can tag you with my post.
    I really needed to hear these last three articles. I am struggling too. (not with your situation, but similar struggles that sums it all up in that one paragraph.) thanks for being you. xoxoxoxoxo

  3. Wow so powerful. Thank you! I’ve never had implants, but the feeling and emotion you bare is so tangible that it’s easy to connect this to ANY fear we may be dealing with. This testimony shouts BOLD FAITH, BOLD TRUST, BOLD LOVE… BOLDLY BEAUTIFUL!
    Thank you for refreshing something that was becoming spiritually numb in me.

  4. Alisa, thank you for being brave and sharing your story. It makes me love you even more. The thought that beauty is God given and pretty is earned is so right on (and profound). It can be a struggle in this culture where pretty is put on an alter and the enemy uses it to feed lies. I have been having my own internal conflict about gray hairs that are starting to abundantly present themselves 😉 and the desire to dye my hair to cover it (but at the same time thinking of the ways that God could use the money from that expense to make clean water for children or something to that affect). So, I think this dilemma of pretty, and the way we mask ourselves to earn it, can definitely manifest at many levels (from breast implants to hair color). Excited to read the rest of the story and see how God knocks your socks off by taking care of everything and making it happen.

  5. Thank you for sharing your story, Alisa, and not being afraid to share it. It is beautiful to see how God gently leads us to the light and peals back the layers that we hold on to. Remember, people look at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart. And your heart is beautiful!

  6. Alisa,
    Thank you so much for sharing this story this week. Your vulnerability is beautiful. It is also a gift to hear your continued struggles because it shows a lack of desire to stand on a pedestal as one who “has it all together.” We are all beautiful works in progress and will be until the day we see God face-to-face. Your story encourages me in the places where I am still surrendering to God.

    And, this is SO silly, but I think I have been naive to the idea of implants and other surgical work. I think I have seen pictures of fitness models, etc and assumed that everything was naturally “perfect” (by society’s definition). And the lie of “if you work harder you can have this too” would be whispered in my ear. A slimy lie.

  7. Here’s the thing I love – God goes before you and prepares the way! I bet your husband was proud of you!

  8. Kristi,
    Yes…no pedestals PLEASE! Mercy. Thanks for reading and believing 🙂

  9. Thanks Donna. It’s all Him..that’s for sure. He has marvelously ruined me.

  10. Kelly. I am honored to be the one to put smelling salts under your nose 🙂 He’s wild. He runs free. And He invites us to join Him.

  11. Alisa – All I can say is…Wow. I am struggling with how my body looks right now. Over almost 4 years, I have lost 150 lbs. I have SO MUCH sagging skin – even with exercise the entire time I was losing weight and STILL exercising daily. My upper arms, belly and thighs are the worst. At first I didn’t care about it – I was just so happy to finally be healthy! Now, when I exercise I can hear my skin flap around, and even though I’m alone, it still bothers me. I can’t wear shirtless tops or shorts – and now that I can enjoy the warm weather, I want to! So my struggle is, do I seek reconstructive surgery or live with the way I am?

    Thank you for sharing. I dream of one day attending your retreats and possibly becoming a fitness instructor under you. You are such an inspiration – I want to be like you “when I grow up!” God bless you!

  12. Alisa,
    Thanks for being so vulnerable and transparent. Ironically during a single moms retreat this past weekend a few of us ladies got on the subject of body image. I am a group fitness instructor and am pleased with most of my body except my breasts. I have always been small chested and only really had curves when I was pregnant. I sometimes feel the size of my breasts played a part in my husband not wanting to work on saving our marriage and therefore is a major reason why I believe I will never find a man to truly love me for me. I confessed to these ladies that beast implants would be the one thing I would do to improve my looks. At the time I never really understood that this was as you said, tangled up in fear. My perspective of it all has changed since reading your story. So thank you. I look forward to the rest of how you will share Gods goodness and his complete and gracious love for us.

  13. Kari,
    WE agree with that dream. If he is calling, He will provide and equip. We will be praying for you now that we know it’s your desire. Power is not found in numbers, it’s found in agreement. And where two or more are gathered, the Kingdom bends an ear and flexes it’s muscle.

  14. How beautiful it is when God confronts us with his word which is light in every area of ​​our lives.
    I hope to start my certification in August , I followed the 7 steps you sent me . I want to be more humble every day , love my neighbor and love God more every day .
    I prayed asking God to show me the truth and deeper into my about my taste for exercise and fitness. God has shown me that there are still areas in me that wants to transform and release of all vanity and pride, and was also while I showered .
    I am thankful for this beautiful process, by His grace I am accepted,loved and free , I renew each day and i want serve Him with all my heart .
    Thanks for sharing dear Alisa
    and sorry for my english i am mexican

  15. Amen! So much of what you have written is so much of my story too Alisa! My big root was rejection and thats gone, Praise God! What a differance to my life – its not all done and dusted though, still fearing and trembling for the right reasons. I am so thankful that He has given me beauty for ashes, the oil of joy instead of mourning and a garment of expressive praise instead of a heavy, burdened and failing spirit! Halleluja!
    Thank you Alisa for being faithful, I love Revelation Wellness and all it stands for. xx

  16. Mariana,
    You speak perfectly well. I hear your heart and we are praying for you to join the family. We get so excited when another strong and courageous heart steps forward to be trained up in the deeper love of God. He loves you because he loves you.

  17. Beauty is inspired by love. Pretty is driven by fear. Boom ! There it is ! I see a book..just sayin.

  18. This was a powerful reading. I was gripped by how you were honest and sincere and realized that FEAR had its teeth in you. How true for all of us! God knows us, all our insecurities and failures and JUST LOVES US–through it ALL. When we share & confess it builds HIS BODY, the body of Christ up, and we ALL learn and grow. This spoke to me to ask the hard questions: What fear is running amok in my life? What does God want me to deal with and am I willing to listen & do what He says? Boils down to TRUST & OBEY. Thank you for spurring us on to LOVE and Great Works that testify to what God is doing in His people. Bless U!

  19. “Caught by love and covered by grace!”
    tears….. and that is how HE loves us. I can’t enough of this Alisa. Your God inspired words stir my soul.

  20. “Caught by love and covered by grace!”
    tears….. and that is how HE loves us. I can’t get enough of this Alisa. Your God inspired words stir my soul.

  21. Alisa, I find your blatant transparency to be so needed in this world of “prettied” up words. I actually have things to do, but just want to keep reading and reading. You are healing hearts sister, letting God use your story and your poetic words

  22. Thanks Christa! Wow. That means so much. I am so humbled that his gift of freedom, to me, can bless another. It’s cool how He knits us together with all our adversity. We really have nothing to fear. 🙂

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