I wasn’t quite sure when to write this update, although I have felt the nudge to write it for some time. It’s been a year since I removed my breast implants, and today is Memorial Day, 2016. And since Memorial Day is our national holiday to honor those who have fought in battles for our freedom and to honor those who have died, I thought to myself “How appropriate. I feel like both.” (And a BIG gracious, reverent and honorable thank you to all our men and women in uniform. Thank you for fighting for our freedom; the same freedom that allows me to talk about the good love of God so openly.)

I was born for the battle of God’s love and freedom. I have fought in many wars against my life, and by clinging desperately to God’s love, hungrily pursuing after more of His heart, and the prayers of the saints, I have won and I am winning. I am winning my life by losing my life. It is oh so sweet, friends. Oh so sweet! It’s important that I say this again: God wasn’t going to love me any more for removing my implants NOR love me any less for leaving them in. He was inviting me to know something greater about the abundant life.

A thief is only there to steal and kill and destroy. I came so they can have real and eternal life, more and better life than they ever dreamed of. – John 10:10 The Message

I am living life like never before and I am dying. Parts of me continue to die. Like living according to what is seen rather than is what unseen, believing lies that I am not enough, or I am too much, devoting myself to worldly affections that have no staying power, caring more about the love and acceptance of people over the unconditional love and freedom found in The One who loves me, because He loves me, because He loves me.

His love chases out ALL my fears.

His love makes me bold.

His love empowers me to do things I NEVER thought I could do.

And His love always knows best!

Over the past year, I have had many people come up to me to tell me their stories and share their gratitude for my courage. I have heard some amazing stories of how God used my story as one stone, dropped in an ocean of grace, that caused a ripple effect of freedom for others.

Now, allow me to get straight to the concrete truths that I have learned and experienced over the past year: (Warning..I am not going to hold back:)

1. Returning to my original physical design has been AWESOME! I love being me! Totally me! Truly…God knew I didn’t need to change a thing. He made me on purpose, for a purpose, with a small chest. “Flat as a board and free as a bird” still rings true!
2. When I sweat and move my body, I am more light and free to be me
3. Shopping for sports bras is easier than ever, and bralettes are so great for everyday wear.
4. I LOVE hugging people! Before, with implants, when I hugged people, I could feel a subtle separation between us. That stinking self-conscious thing would return, causing me to wonder if they too could feel the “thing” that stands between us.
5. I enjoy being intimate with my husband, sexually, more than ever before! When I had my implants, I may have looked the part, but knew I was only playing the part. The real me was still hiding inside of me wondering “If I didn’t look like this, would he still want me? Would I still want me?” These subtle accusations would interrupt real intimacy with my husband. Don’t we see it, ladies? See how the enemy accuses us on all sides! “Change your body and you will be wanted.” turns into accusations of “If your body didn’t look like this you wouldn’t be wanted.” WHAT? How crazy is that! The only way to shut the accuser’s mouth is to follow the voice of The One, who calls you by name, chooses you, delights in your beauty and beckons you to be His and to follow Him wherever He goes. Even if He leads you to an operating room table and invites you to climb up. Might you say yes?
6. My kids have witnessed me walk a crooked road as I desire to become more upright. We have had and continue to have great conversation around the promises of God and the sacrifices that are required. Not because God is mean, but because He always has better and best. He’s worth every sacrifice!
   Real men love free women. My husband is the real deal. He just keeps making room for more of my crazy. Thank you, God for my Simon.
7. THE HUMAN BODY IS DESIGNED TO REGENERATE! The real question you may be wondering is “Alisa, how do they look?” Well…allow me to tell you…they look like real breasts! They no longer look like two perfectly round spheres. They look like REAL, female form, breasts. In our current culture, we continue to deny created beauty for an imitation beauty. It’s as if we humans think we can improve upon what God has already called good. There’s a slang term called “fluffing.”  This is a word used by people who have breast implants removed. It’s not a clinical term; it’s a word that people with their own explant story use when sharing their testimony. Although the breast tissue looks pretty smashed and deflated post-op day one, over time, the breast tissue “fluffs”, giving your breasts more healthy form. Friends…I have experienced this phenomenon to be very true. I have no science, but I don’t need any. I believe it’s because the female form is God’s business and He is a God of mercy and grace. He never leaves us smashed and deflated. He always lifts us up. And as crazy as it sounds, I believe this is true for all creation. Breast tissue too.

Overall, I can say I am less conscious of my SELF, and I am more conscious of the grace, mercy, and goodness of a Father who madly loves everything about me and how He made me. He gave me a body that didn’t require changing, with a heart that would. How easy it is for us all to get that one backward; making it about changing our outsides, so we don’t have to deal with the deeper things of our hearts.

He wants our hearts. End of story. Drop the mic. Boom.

Beloved, if you are thinking about changing your body, save yourself a lot of money and give Him your heart. He’s never going to stop wanting to get that thing on his surgery table anyways. Quick, do yourself a favor and climb down off the plastic surgeon’s table and climb up on The Good Surgeon’s table. You are the crown of His creation.

His love.

Alisa