The other day, back in our private FB page for VIPtv members, a brave and vulnerable question was posted by one of our friends and I have a strong feeling she is not alone in the struggle. With her permission, I share her question and my response with you all

Her question

is my desire to want these 20 pounds off, bad? Knowing that it doesn’t define me, but is it bad to want or have the loss be a goal? Reasons behind why? I would love to not feel self conscious or physically uncomfortable in my clothes and I would love to feel more confident for my husband. I would love to feel more ‘like a child’ freedom and joy and doing activity that I have done all my life. Is the desire to want these things the place where I am falling into a lie? Why do I feel so strongly that I will just feel so much better or like myself when the weight is off? (which I am sure is the enemies lies) I am getting confused in the lines of loving yourself right where you are, yet wanting to set good healthy God honoring goals.

My response:

Here’s the deal. Discipline that is from the Lord is a delight not a duty (I am going to teach on this in the influence network next week.) It is not wrong to want to get some things in order. No way is that wrong. But the body shame, the unrest, the anxiousness about wanting to “just arrive” and get “there” (wherever there is, because that thing tends to elude us, doesn’t it?), that is of no way from the Lord. So I ask you…what are some things (or a thing) that you know the Lord is leading you towards in the delight of discipline? Maybe it’s go to bed earlier, drink more water, eat less sugar, consume more REAL food,  take in less take-out….I am sure I’m hitting something here. Confess your participation with any anxiety and shame and ask the Lord to reset and calm your mind. Let him speak. You will know it’s Him when love is the undergirding message. Whatever He speaks for you to do, capture it, write it down and then DO! Catch the next wave of grace and do that thing like it’s your ticket to freedom, because it is. Throw away any expectation of doing it perfectly and through the power of grace, expect to do it faithfully – meaning, when you fall down, get perspective before you get up, but do GET UP!

Listen, you must be close to some sort of amazing breakthrough in the delight of discipline because the enemy is all up in your grill, not shutting up. Man…I get that. Tell him where to go. Get your space, your peace and your identity back and move out in love from there. Work godly-discipline into your day like a gardner plants seeds in expectancy of abundant and healthy crops ahead. Prioritize your garden tending and watch it blossom. God absolutely is not concerned about your body “looking” a certain way. He absolutely is interested in using your body as an instrument forHis glory.

And finally…your man- or any godly FREE man for that matter- loves a FREE woman. Not a skinny one. Real men, with pure hearts, don’t care what size their woman is, but they do care if their woman is free. Why else do  you think they try to fix? They too are wired to fight our battles. And all their fixing can only support us by brining us closer to the freedom that only God can give.

Men are enthralled with the female form and yours (then and now) is the one your man chose (and chooses). Men just need to know that they are the best thing you have ever known; brilliant, strong, capable, have what it takes, and that you find them irresistible – that they are desired by you, their woman. THAT gets any godly man going.

All men have little boy souls that need to know they have what it takes just as all women have little girl souls that long to know if they are seen, heard, chosen, lovely and worth it.

The enemy loves to crowbar intimacy with his shame game. Body shame is an illusion supported by the illusions we buy into; media images, fashion trends, fitness looks, food rules.  Girl…my friends in Africa..skinny, plump, short, tall, big boobs, little boobs and or anywhere in the middle…they don’t even know body shame. Because no outside voice is trying to tell them what their “there” place should be. Talk about freedom!

From time to time we have all bought a bag of shoddy goods called “fitness” or “beauty” by the world’s fickle standards.

I could go on and on. I hope this helps. There is some pure gold in what you desire. God is in that! And some of that gold has been wrapped in poo. I get it! You’re not alone in your struggle for what is real, true and lasting. It certainly is coming. Keep seeking. Keep asking. Keep knocking. Keep doing the next best and free thing. Your Gentleman will keep opening the doors for you. 

Come join me on January 11th as we get after the real thing together for 30 days! Join Cleanhearting, our 30 Day Faith THEN Food and Fitness Challenge! You can join by giving any tax-deductible donation amount of your choosing. This challenge group will close on January 10th, at midnight EST.

His love..

Alisa